White Rabbit

- Jefferson Airplane

There are 2 words in the English language that I absolutely abhor. The first one being the F word----> FAT and the other a very ugly 4-letter word -----> DIET.

Everyone whose known me in the last 10 years knows of my aversion to diets, as well as my masochistic tendency to self-flagellate myself by embarking onto a diet every couple of years, which I follow for a while, lose some weight, and then once again fall off the bandwagon once I feel like I've got things nipped in the bud.

Unlike most women out there, I am not trying to be wraithlike. I would just like to fit in some normal freaking clothes. For the last 2 years I've been stuck in a clothes warp zone. A place that doesn't have a size. Apparently, i'm too big to buy clothes at regular clothing shops, and I'm too small to buy clothes from Large-size stores. Apparently, my size is nonexistant, so what does that say about me??? Lucky for me, I get to wear the same old clothes every day of my life, the same ones that stretched with me over time, thank god for Gap stretchy jeans.

The problem is that my desire for nice-fitting clothes is greatly superceded by my desire for all things calorific such as cheese, cheese, bread, cheese and oh, yeah...chocolate.

So to achieve an existant dress size, it seems like once again I'll have to hop onto the diet-bus. I think all this self-reflection and desire to improve oneself has to do with the approach of fall. Every september, as the air gets crisper, I am overcome with the feeling of wanting new challenges, new goals...probably a residue of all those years of back-to-school hype. This is what Pacino (my husband) calls the phenomena of Freshness. Wanting to start something fresh, new. (this topic is another blog altogether).

Unfotunately, to me, losing my excess weight is like chasing the elusive white rabbit.

And if you go chasing rabbits

And you know you're going to fall,

Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar

Has given you the call.....

When logic and proportion

Have fallen sloppy dead,

And the White Knight is talking backwards

And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"

Remember what the dormouse said:"

Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head"

Aha, I knew I was doing something wrong!!! It's Feed your head, NOT feed you bread. I'll have to remember that. I'll also have to to look into finding myself a hookah smoking caterpillar. In the meantime, it's off to Weight Watchers I think...wish me luck people. I need new clothes!!!