Oops I did it again.

-Britney Spears

Another summer passed by with me enviously staring at beautiful women baring their thighs for all the world to see in those Daisy Duke shorts, while I scoffed down ice cream and sweat in my jeans. Another summer gone with no shorts in sight for me.

Well, a couple of months ago, with the arrival of fall, I kind of felt this obligation (as I do almost every year) to lose weight. This year, after entertaining the idea (after one particularly depressing day), I didn’t even pretend to go on one...Normally, the bitter misery that would have culminated over the course of the summer would have prompted my fall diet binge, but not this time. What could this possibly mean? Uh-oh! Maybe it’s a terrible sign that I’ve given up for good! Maybe I’ve resigned myself to having Abs of Jello rather than Buns of Steel for all eternity! I thought that turning 30 was going to nudge me into action, but apparently after this many years, you learn to accept yourself for who you are? What a ludicrous, cockamamy idea that was....learning to accept yourself, hah! Dumb, stupid idea!

I have to change my way of thinking. Instead of accepting myself as I am, I should be striving to achieve the unrealistic ideals worshiped by all North American mankind. What kind of freak am I to go against society. I KNOW! ...I figured out why I lapsed into this hippy-like bohemian self-love... It must be because I’ve stopped buying women’s magazines...That MUST be it! In the past 8 months, having been busy with all these renovations and stuff, all I’ve done is buy home decor magazines. What was I thinking! I need to motivate and reform myself. I need to immerse myself and read a years worth of Cosmo. I need to watch endless streams of music videos where semi-naked nymphs dance provocatively around the screen. I need to see the light...Bring on Britney!