Swallow Me

- Esthero

I know I haven’t written in ages...there’s been lots on my mind lately. Nothing major but just an accumulation of little things to mull over. Some people talk to others analyzing their emotions and dissecting their every thought, whereas I on the other hand, have a need to internalize these things and just let the music swallow me. For me, music is therapy. The music speaks to my molecules and makes them hum and vibrate and everything feels fine again...a total healing process. Sometimes I need heavy metal to let my rage flare and burn and consume itself. Sometimes I need happy, peppy music to bring a smile to my lips. When I'm feeling mournful I need heavy classical (with lots of cello) or some good ol' blues to wallow in my misery. Sometimes rhythmic hiphop/dance or even middle Eastern (Armenian, Arabic, Greek music) will make me dance and purge all the negative crap from my soul.

But my favorite music to contemplate life by, that which soothes me is music by Esthero. It’s a bit of everything. Melancholic, rhythmic, soft, pulsing... I love her stuff. Her voice is so soothing. I discovered Esthero in May 2000. I was up late one night and saw a 30-second clip of That Girl and I was hooked. A few days later, I had just bought my first car and I remember wanting to go for a drive but Pacino was working late so I'd be going solo. So I picked up my keys and was heading out the door when I noticed my sister Curly had brought home a new CD which was lying next to by keys, and wouldn’t you know it, it was Esthero. So I grabbed it and plugged it into my car stereo, and drove around all night in one of those light sprinkling rains, listening to the same CD over and over again. I felt elated - just me on the road in the darkness with that music. Her music just tapped into me, as if the music she sang was the same music that was trapped in my body all these years waiting for someone to give it a voice. It seems that Curly and I discovered her in the same week, and needless to say I hijacked that CD from her and she never got it back (she actually went out and bought another one). Actually for the last few years Curly has been using her favorite lyric as her signature quote in her emails "Music was the lamb that made a lion out of me". Well, I’m stealing my other favorite line "Music was the man that made a woman out of me" as my signature quote.

Although that album (Breath from Another) never made it big with the mass public, I was pleased by that. Every song was awesome, including the hidden track at the end. I enjoyed the fact that she was my very own jewel (in a jewel case too) like a good secret that you don’t want everybody to know about. I think her fans reveled in the exclusivity of her wonderful music, privileged to be one of the select few that she shares her music with...Well, now her long-awaited new album is slowly making the rounds on the radio as people are discovering her talent, which is great for her although I’m sad that she will become part of popular culture (I hope her music stays pure)... So if you've had a taste of her new track and like it, go out and support a fellow Canadian who happens to be brilliant and buy yourself her first album Breath From Another....For those days when all you need is to curl up (or drive aimlessly) to cure yourself....

The slowest melodies coated me
Soothing rhythms stoked the fire in my belly
Music is the man that made a woman out of me

The purest voices call to me
Deafening as the cry of 10,000 babies
Music was the lamb that made a lion out of me

Long as i have my voice, i don't need arms to hold
I never need arms to hold me.
Swallow me.

Recognizing, realizing
Recognize between the lines of what you feel and what you be
You can be so lost and so found
Oh, deep inside of me
Swallow me.

The composition fractured me
Yet, i pieced into the girl i long to be
When i fall apart that's when the notes will swallow me - Esthero