Fat Bottomed Girls

Are you gonna take me home tonight
Ah down beside that red firelight
Are you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rockin’ world go round
-Queen

How interesting that the one man that chose to belt out a song championing my greatest ASSet happened to be gay...

Well, I am NOT ashamed to say that I have a BIG ass! OK, maybe not so big that you could balance a cafeteria tray on it, but needless to say that I am not lacking in any way in that department. It’s been really refreshing to see that over the years, the mass public has decided that big asses are hot, courtesy of a certain Latina.

When I was an early teen (I think they call-em tweens or something), I was a little shy about the roundness of my ass (although I was a lot thinner then, it was still - always out there). Everyone around me were butt-less wonders, and oh how I prayed to wake up one morning to a barely detectable derriere...but, thanks to my very hilarious, non-apologetic grandma who told me not to be ashamed but instead to be proud of my hereditary hiney, I was made aware of the fantastic powers of my fanny. Her encouraging words told a young, impressionable girl not to be ashamed of her body, but to embrace it.

This is: An Ode to Me Bum

Oh, Me bum...

How you stayed with me
Through thick and thin
When I punished you through Weight Watchers
and days at the gym.

You’ve always been so kind
Especially when it snows
On the ski-slopes over the years
You cushioned so many blows

I tried to squeeze you
Into jeans too tight
But you made me realize
I was losing the fight

I couldn’t hide you
Or make you disappear
And when the boys saw you
It was suddenly clear

I’ve learned to embrace you
Big, round and luscious
Fat-bottomed girls rock
Cause they’re so bootyliscious!