Ch-Ch-Changes
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
- David Bowie
What is going on, I’m asking myself.
Seems like getting preggers is a lot more complicated than we thought it was gonna be. My plan was to stop taking the pill, wait a couple of months to flush any residual hormones out of my bloodstream, and then go at it like a couple of rabbits in heat... and presto...baby rabbit would come out of the magician’s hat....Wrong!
It’s been a year now that I am officially off my trusty pills. A lot of women hate the pill for all the terrible things it does to them, but not me. Although I was really against taking hormones when I first started considering it, once I started taking them I was hooked. Low and behold, I had regular periods, no searing abdominal cramps, no heavy bleeding like the Hoover Dam just blew up, no pesky mood swings and no side effects!
Since getting off the pill, I go into murderous rages if my husband doesn’t put away the dishes, and I feel more tired, and the icing on the cake is that I have developed a severe case of adult onset acne. As a teenager I had the occasional blackhead but nothing to write home about, then I hit my 20's and I had some light acne, but it was manageable-you know, the occasional zit on the chin, a little blemish on my forehead, nothing that a little powder couldn’t cover. BUT NOW holy shit, they are throbbing, pulsating, juicy, cystic, red volcanic craters that are erupting all over my face. I am now using an entire arsenal of cosmetics and other products to prevent, treat, and mask what would otherwise be described as my entire face, using up a precious ½ hour in the mornings to look presentable in public. Did I just turn 31 or 13, I have anywhere form 15-20 of them crowding my jawline, cheeks and chin. Pro-Activ is useless, as are all types of expensive products I’ve been experimenting with, and now to make matters worse, my skin is so dry that it is flaking off like scales. That’s right, you heard me right, dry flaky skin with acne erupting through the zits. What I don’t understand is that I get these flare-ups mostly around the time that I am ovulating, whereas my skin calms down and looks normal again during my period. You’d think that 5 zillion years of evolution would ensure that my skin would clear up during ovulation making me attractive enough to mate with, while it would break-out during periods to ward off the opposite sex during that non-fertile time. But nooooo, like everything else about my life, things have to work the opposite way for me, I should have guessed.
Apart from all this, and the fact that I’m back to irregular periods so I can never tell the exact dates of ovulation, it seems that every month, just about the same time that we should be preparing the batter for the buns to go in the oven, there is always something that delays the batter-making. One month he’s sick like a dog, the next month it’s me that’s sick. One month he is out of town on business. Another month we have my entire family sleeping over due to renovations at their place. One month we’re out of town sharing a hotel room with my in-laws. Then we’re back to getting the flu again, and another trip out of town, etc, etc. The timing is just not happening.
Here’s a statistic I just read: At any given month, when a couple has sex during ovulation, there is a 20% chance to get pregnant. That’s it? How come everytime I put on the TV, there is some stupid Maury Povich type show where these women do paternity tests and find out they got pregnant with some guy they had sex with once...hello! On one hand, all my friends who recently had babies are telling me how much time it took them to get pregnant, due to stress and stuff, and they had to go away on vacation to get the deed done...something I cannot afford right now due to ongoing renovations in our home.... On the other hand, I have a few other friends that got pregnant the first month or that had accidents like getting drunk one night or having a condom break.
Life is funny, that some women walk by a man and get pregnant while it has to become a full-time job for others. I’m not in full panic mode yet (haven't bought any weird naturopathic herbs or pharmacy ovulation kits yet), since our timing has been so lousy I can’t start blaming it on our bodies, but part of me can’t help but think...am I too old? I’m 31 for crying out loud, but each month that passes is one less egg in the sack, and the quality is gonna start running towards Kmart rather than Holts if you know what I mean. Being young at heart it seems has no importance to your eggs. I know I’m exaggerating, but I can’t help it. Every month, I find myself counting the days since my last period and hoping that I get morning sickness. Twice I was sure I was pregnant cause my period was way off, but 6 pee-tests and one blood test later I found out that my Aunt Flo likes to fuck with my mind. All those years of working in a fertility center have got me paranoid that I’ll be going down that road myself....that dreadful road where my husband would be ushered into the masturbatorium (yes, that’s what it’s called) while I await in a sterile room with stark neons lighting up my hooch for all to probe and implant....Ok, so I’m getting way ahead of myself.
You know, it’s not that I’m obsessed with having a baby right now, I've never been the cooing and fawning baby stalker type. It’s just that the timing is perfect in our lives. We’re finally settled with the house, and jobs, and lives. It’s time. Planning and timing in my life have always been important especially with a family business in which my father will wait for my baby-making years to end to retire..poor man. Now I’m starting to get scared that I’m running out of time. I always lived my life in a nonchalant way, always thinking I’m still young, there’s plenty of time. I’m used to being in control of my life, making my own decisions. And now, it seems that I am at the mercy of my body...Completely clueless as to its agenda or intentions, I just have to wait and be patient and take my prenatal pills....
But I can't trace time
- David Bowie
What is going on, I’m asking myself.
Seems like getting preggers is a lot more complicated than we thought it was gonna be. My plan was to stop taking the pill, wait a couple of months to flush any residual hormones out of my bloodstream, and then go at it like a couple of rabbits in heat... and presto...baby rabbit would come out of the magician’s hat....Wrong!
It’s been a year now that I am officially off my trusty pills. A lot of women hate the pill for all the terrible things it does to them, but not me. Although I was really against taking hormones when I first started considering it, once I started taking them I was hooked. Low and behold, I had regular periods, no searing abdominal cramps, no heavy bleeding like the Hoover Dam just blew up, no pesky mood swings and no side effects!
Since getting off the pill, I go into murderous rages if my husband doesn’t put away the dishes, and I feel more tired, and the icing on the cake is that I have developed a severe case of adult onset acne. As a teenager I had the occasional blackhead but nothing to write home about, then I hit my 20's and I had some light acne, but it was manageable-you know, the occasional zit on the chin, a little blemish on my forehead, nothing that a little powder couldn’t cover. BUT NOW holy shit, they are throbbing, pulsating, juicy, cystic, red volcanic craters that are erupting all over my face. I am now using an entire arsenal of cosmetics and other products to prevent, treat, and mask what would otherwise be described as my entire face, using up a precious ½ hour in the mornings to look presentable in public. Did I just turn 31 or 13, I have anywhere form 15-20 of them crowding my jawline, cheeks and chin. Pro-Activ is useless, as are all types of expensive products I’ve been experimenting with, and now to make matters worse, my skin is so dry that it is flaking off like scales. That’s right, you heard me right, dry flaky skin with acne erupting through the zits. What I don’t understand is that I get these flare-ups mostly around the time that I am ovulating, whereas my skin calms down and looks normal again during my period. You’d think that 5 zillion years of evolution would ensure that my skin would clear up during ovulation making me attractive enough to mate with, while it would break-out during periods to ward off the opposite sex during that non-fertile time. But nooooo, like everything else about my life, things have to work the opposite way for me, I should have guessed.
Apart from all this, and the fact that I’m back to irregular periods so I can never tell the exact dates of ovulation, it seems that every month, just about the same time that we should be preparing the batter for the buns to go in the oven, there is always something that delays the batter-making. One month he’s sick like a dog, the next month it’s me that’s sick. One month he is out of town on business. Another month we have my entire family sleeping over due to renovations at their place. One month we’re out of town sharing a hotel room with my in-laws. Then we’re back to getting the flu again, and another trip out of town, etc, etc. The timing is just not happening.
Here’s a statistic I just read: At any given month, when a couple has sex during ovulation, there is a 20% chance to get pregnant. That’s it? How come everytime I put on the TV, there is some stupid Maury Povich type show where these women do paternity tests and find out they got pregnant with some guy they had sex with once...hello! On one hand, all my friends who recently had babies are telling me how much time it took them to get pregnant, due to stress and stuff, and they had to go away on vacation to get the deed done...something I cannot afford right now due to ongoing renovations in our home.... On the other hand, I have a few other friends that got pregnant the first month or that had accidents like getting drunk one night or having a condom break.
Life is funny, that some women walk by a man and get pregnant while it has to become a full-time job for others. I’m not in full panic mode yet (haven't bought any weird naturopathic herbs or pharmacy ovulation kits yet), since our timing has been so lousy I can’t start blaming it on our bodies, but part of me can’t help but think...am I too old? I’m 31 for crying out loud, but each month that passes is one less egg in the sack, and the quality is gonna start running towards Kmart rather than Holts if you know what I mean. Being young at heart it seems has no importance to your eggs. I know I’m exaggerating, but I can’t help it. Every month, I find myself counting the days since my last period and hoping that I get morning sickness. Twice I was sure I was pregnant cause my period was way off, but 6 pee-tests and one blood test later I found out that my Aunt Flo likes to fuck with my mind. All those years of working in a fertility center have got me paranoid that I’ll be going down that road myself....that dreadful road where my husband would be ushered into the masturbatorium (yes, that’s what it’s called) while I await in a sterile room with stark neons lighting up my hooch for all to probe and implant....Ok, so I’m getting way ahead of myself.
You know, it’s not that I’m obsessed with having a baby right now, I've never been the cooing and fawning baby stalker type. It’s just that the timing is perfect in our lives. We’re finally settled with the house, and jobs, and lives. It’s time. Planning and timing in my life have always been important especially with a family business in which my father will wait for my baby-making years to end to retire..poor man. Now I’m starting to get scared that I’m running out of time. I always lived my life in a nonchalant way, always thinking I’m still young, there’s plenty of time. I’m used to being in control of my life, making my own decisions. And now, it seems that I am at the mercy of my body...Completely clueless as to its agenda or intentions, I just have to wait and be patient and take my prenatal pills....
posted by Janjik at 6:40 PM
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