PROMISE OF A NEW DAY

- Paula Abdul

Pacino is out of town this week. He took off on Saturday for a business trip to the capital (what most of you taxpayers would probably consider a big waste of our hard-earned money) but which Ottawa considers money well spent...ah well, at least it seems he’s working hard, starting at 8:00 am and ending around 11:00 at night. So, for the first time since like 1998, we’ll be apart for more than a week. I know this is gonna hurt his ego, but although I miss him at night - our usual supper-time conversations, mooshing together on the sofa and for other obvious reasons - I’m not really pining over him. Although I’m generally not one to pine (especially considering he’s only an hour and a half away, and not in Kuala Lumpur), things are so busy at work and at home trying to bring the house into some semblance of order after the whole holiday extravaganza (where you shove everything in one room in a heap of wrapping paper/credit car bills/exercise equipment/clothes/skates) clutter that you swear you’ll put away later... that I haven’t really had a chance to actually miss him all that much...he’s gonna kill me when he reads this. Already he was kind of smarting after I told him I was finally gonna get some peace and quiet when he told me he was going away. I couldn’t help it though, I was just trying to rile him up and bug him a little for fun. I told him I’d have a week off from cooking, cleaning (I can be such a slob!), that I’d be able to read in peace, play my video games which I’ve neglected for months and watch the programs that I liked to watch rather than watching only news and sports.

Sure enough, the first thing I did after dropping him off at the train station was to do something I’ve never done on my own...go to McDonald’s for supper. With coupons. WHO DOES THAT? I felt like a trailer mom. First of all, I only visit the Golden Arches like max twice a year since I’m not a fastfood junkie. But anyhow, I didn’t feel like cooking for myself, and strangely enough there were coupons hanging out at home in the "junk-mail" zone. During my little binge, I couldn’t help but think that my scrawny and dilapidated Big Mac looked nothing like the juicy , perfectly centered and layered ones you see on TV, what a scam...Ah, what do you expect for 2$, at least the fries were hot.

Hopefully, while he’s away, I’ll actually be productive and get stuff done rather than being sucked into TV addiction. Since I normally am NOT in control of what we watch, I just avoid watching TV altogether. I have to say though that I’m curious to see how the French language leaders’ debate will turn out. Every election season I can’t help but notice just how yawn-yawn boring the English debates are compared to the French ones. Call me biased, but most Quebecers are completely politics-obsessed, and every Jean, Guy, and Stéphane has an opinion and a burning question. Usually they are very vocal and I’ve seen some discussions practically come to blows on any subject ranging from aboriginals to daycare to hospitals to separation. We are a hot-headed lot, and we follow politics with a passion that I just can’t seem to pick up on in the rest of Canada. Every average Joe seems to be informed about the hot topics and have an opinion to voice. In any case, I know Quebec has a bad rap in the rest of Canada because of the Bloc Quebecois, but over the years I’ve gone from being completely Anti-Bloc to actually understanding their point of view. Not that I vote for them or anything, but they do a great job in protecting Quebec’s interests and the only reason I don’t support them is because of their separation mandate. HOWEVER, and this is a big however...I don’t understand why the rest of Canada panics at the word separation. Can you all not see through the theatrics? Living in Quebec, I see that most of us don’t support separation. Most Quebecers support the Bloc for other reasons than separation. The separation issue has haunted our economy for years, and just when things are going well, the last thing anyone is thinking of is separation. The only reason why the Bloc continues to blab about separation at every soundbite is just keep the die-hard, union-obsessed separatists happy (the ones that keep the funding of the party going). But the rest of you Canucks can’t seem to see through his bluff and tremble at the thought of another referendum, and as usual you are held hostage by the french. Enough about this now....
I still have no idea whom to vote for. This time around the selection is so bland that it’s hard to commit to one or the other. On one hand, you have Harper who seems like the devil incarnate, with the ice-blue stare that creeps you out, and that fake smile that you know hides some scary secrets. On the other hand, you have Martin who has proven himself to be untrustworthy and foolish for trying to make us think he knew nothing of what was going on during his stint as Finance Minister. Then you have Layton, who although has great ideals, would bankrupt our country with social programs - where it the balance between business and social programs??? And lastly we have Duceppes, whose equally ice stare creeps me out and who will sweep Quebec regardless on if I vote for him or not (especially in my neck of the woods). Although I did have a nutty idea...if ALL of Canada voted for Duceppes and the he became PM, he would have no choice than to lead his country, the country of CANADA as representative of its people...maybe that would stop all this separation crap. N-e-how...

I have figured out a better way to elect a prime minister....I think we should hold a political version of American Idol but instead have the political leaders come up on stage and perform every week while the country eliminates them one by one by voting with 1-900# phonecalls (donate the charges to social programs)....Think about it, wouldn’t it be cool to have Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Paula Abdul on the panel judging our future PM (maybe was can add Rex Murphy as a guest judge). One week, we’d have "country" week, where each one would have to sing country songs, and of course Randy would tell Harper "You’re the man Dog, you’re the man!", while telling Martin to loosen up. Another week we could have Quebecois fiddle folk songs which would have Duceppes shining brightly but have Simon telling Harper his performance was "excruciating". Another week would bring us sea chanties/beer songs for our hard-working type Layton to steal the show.

And where would that leave Martin you ask....well have you ever heard the man sing...well consider yourself lucky if you haven’t. Last year, during an episode of the hit Quebecois show "Star Academie" (our version of an Idol-type show), Martin appeared on the show (a publicity stunt to boost youth appeal during his lagging popularity post-Gomery disguised as a guest appearance). During that show, he joined the contestants in a sing-along in what was the most off-tune, "pitchy" ear-splitting performance I’ve heard. So "appalling" in fact (as Simon would so aptly describe it) that even if he were to change his party’s tune to "Promise of a New Day" in hopes of winning over the easy judge, even Paula would have to say "Paul honey, I’m sorry, but you’re just not right for this competition".