White Rabbit

- Jefferson Airplane

There are 2 words in the English language that I absolutely abhor. The first one being the F word----> FAT and the other a very ugly 4-letter word -----> DIET.

Everyone whose known me in the last 10 years knows of my aversion to diets, as well as my masochistic tendency to self-flagellate myself by embarking onto a diet every couple of years, which I follow for a while, lose some weight, and then once again fall off the bandwagon once I feel like I've got things nipped in the bud.

Unlike most women out there, I am not trying to be wraithlike. I would just like to fit in some normal freaking clothes. For the last 2 years I've been stuck in a clothes warp zone. A place that doesn't have a size. Apparently, i'm too big to buy clothes at regular clothing shops, and I'm too small to buy clothes from Large-size stores. Apparently, my size is nonexistant, so what does that say about me??? Lucky for me, I get to wear the same old clothes every day of my life, the same ones that stretched with me over time, thank god for Gap stretchy jeans.

The problem is that my desire for nice-fitting clothes is greatly superceded by my desire for all things calorific such as cheese, cheese, bread, cheese and oh, yeah...chocolate.

So to achieve an existant dress size, it seems like once again I'll have to hop onto the diet-bus. I think all this self-reflection and desire to improve oneself has to do with the approach of fall. Every september, as the air gets crisper, I am overcome with the feeling of wanting new challenges, new goals...probably a residue of all those years of back-to-school hype. This is what Pacino (my husband) calls the phenomena of Freshness. Wanting to start something fresh, new. (this topic is another blog altogether).

Unfotunately, to me, losing my excess weight is like chasing the elusive white rabbit.

And if you go chasing rabbits

And you know you're going to fall,

Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar

Has given you the call.....

When logic and proportion

Have fallen sloppy dead,

And the White Knight is talking backwards

And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"

Remember what the dormouse said:"

Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head"

Aha, I knew I was doing something wrong!!! It's Feed your head, NOT feed you bread. I'll have to remember that. I'll also have to to look into finding myself a hookah smoking caterpillar. In the meantime, it's off to Weight Watchers I think...wish me luck people. I need new clothes!!!

Walk, Don't Run

- The Ventures

You know you're an adult when...

So, now it’s official. I am an adult. It had nothing to do with me getting married (2 years already). Nothing to do with the fact that I bought a house this year. Nothing at all with paying bills or even turning 30 in the next few weeks! IT all boils down to this... I bought life insurance! Yikes! Now that’s freaking becoming an adult. That’s when you know those carefree days are over*sob*

The fact that I’ve been doing very adult-like things lately have made me quite nostalgic. The other day while I was pulling out of a parking lot, I saw a father with his 2 kids at the ice cream shop. The two kids were just so engrossed in their ice creams cones, savouring each lick, big grins on their faces, enjoying the very meaning of summer...No school, No responsibility, and Ice cream dribbling down your chin while your older brother makes fun of you. I don’t think they had any clue that these are some of the best moments of their lives. What happened to those days? Where did they go? When did I become this person that buys life insurance? In my brain, I’m still a 10 year old kid, wanting to bike to the corner store for Gobstoppers, waste hours playing video games, and getting into mischief.

It’s not often that I get to hang out with kids, but when I do, it totally irks me that they look at me with that look. You know which one I’m talking about... The one you used to give to adults when you were a kid. The look that says...You don’t know how to have fun. You’re boring. You’re old. You’re my mom’s friend. Blech! I used to give that look to my parents friends when they would come over to our house, pinch my cheeks, tell me how much more I’ve grown and then blab for hours over coffee. Those adults seemed so boring; sipping their coffee, gossipping about more boring people - while my cousins, Curly (my sister) and I bounced on the sofas downstairs, sneaked out the fancy "guests-only"chocolates from my Mamina's secret hiding place and watched Waterbabies for the 400th time while singing along at the top of our lungs.

Just last Xmas when my cousins were over, we spent the whole afternoon playing one of our old favorites (4 way-Mariokart on Ninten64) hooting and laughing and blasting eachother off the track. Our parents just shook their heads sadly AS IF there is something wrong with a bunch of twentysomethings playing videogames like children....Nothing wrong with that I say. My cousins and I often joke that one day, we’ll all be in some nursing home in our 80's, half-blind, in diapers and still fighting over who get to be Yoshi in MarioKart... DIBS!.

I guess that old saying that you’re only as old as you feel is true, regardless of what some stuffy, boring, insurance-salesman tells you. And based on that, we all know I’ll be forever 12, which suits me just fine. Life is just that much sweeter as a kid! Ice cream anyone?