Wind of Change
The future's in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change
- Scorpions
I remember how hot this song was the year I graduated from highschool (15 years ago). We swayed and sang out our lungs to the chorus on promnight, a bunch of 17 year olds on the cusp of life. And now I find myself standing on yet another precipice, singing this familiar tune...
Things my child has already taught me...
1) Taught me selflessness: i.e that my body is no longer mine but his to rule. From the beginning, the months and months of incessant nausea had me rethinking the totally inept phrase "morning sickness". When exactly was the morning gonna end? The next sign was a complete remission from my lifelong disease called Night-Owlitis. That's right, sleeping at 10pm became a ritual for the first time since I was 3. Then my appetite shrank to the size of a golf ball, replacing my large portions with measly little bites and making me lose 7 pounds in my first trimester. Who knew getting pregnant was the best diet I would ever follow. If I'd known, I would have gotten pregnant years ago! In fact, I've even been cured of my lifelong addiction to chocolate...no longer craving the stuff on an hourly basis, in fact not craving it at all (this is definately Pacino's kid!) My bladder also shrank to the size of a walnut, making trips to the washroom a full-time job. And now, between the heartburn and the Cirque du Soleil training camp inside me, it seems that my body is becoming less and less in my control. Of course all this is to prepare me for when I will be completely at the mercy of the little one...feeding him, changing him, bathing him, cradling him, carrying him, entertaining him...so THIS is what my body was meant to do all these years, what a magical revelation.
2) Taught me to be a sophisticate. After years, let me rephrase that, after decades of chugging down soda by the litre, I have grown an aversion to one of my favorite vices, and now I can only drink....Perrier, San Pellegrino and other bubbly waters that once grossed me out. Who new I could live without all that sugar?
3) Taught me that my body is beautiful. Since adulthood, I have struggled with my weight as well as my body image. I've always had confidence when it came to my abilities, intelligence, and personality, but I never accepted my body for what it was. I was always thinking how I'd love my body if only I was 10-20-30 pounds lighter. My intellectual self would tell my emotional self to go beyond the image thing and love and accept my body as it was, but for some reason by body wasn't listening. This lead me to totally disrespect my body for so many years, by eating a lot of crap, junk and portions that were way beyond normal. Of course I've only realized this since getting pregnant because it seems that the minute I was, my body automatically started craving good, healthy things and disliking all the junk I lived off for years. I honestly have to admit it was not even a conscious change. It was effortless, but it showed me the wrong of my ways. Now I respect my body. Although I'm pregnant and big, my body has proven it's strength and beauty, showing me it can create and sustain life, feeding it, cushioning it, protecting it. It is a vessel holding a great treasure, an oyster that carries the slowly forming pearl.
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change
- Scorpions
I remember how hot this song was the year I graduated from highschool (15 years ago). We swayed and sang out our lungs to the chorus on promnight, a bunch of 17 year olds on the cusp of life. And now I find myself standing on yet another precipice, singing this familiar tune...
Things my child has already taught me...
1) Taught me selflessness: i.e that my body is no longer mine but his to rule. From the beginning, the months and months of incessant nausea had me rethinking the totally inept phrase "morning sickness". When exactly was the morning gonna end? The next sign was a complete remission from my lifelong disease called Night-Owlitis. That's right, sleeping at 10pm became a ritual for the first time since I was 3. Then my appetite shrank to the size of a golf ball, replacing my large portions with measly little bites and making me lose 7 pounds in my first trimester. Who knew getting pregnant was the best diet I would ever follow. If I'd known, I would have gotten pregnant years ago! In fact, I've even been cured of my lifelong addiction to chocolate...no longer craving the stuff on an hourly basis, in fact not craving it at all (this is definately Pacino's kid!) My bladder also shrank to the size of a walnut, making trips to the washroom a full-time job. And now, between the heartburn and the Cirque du Soleil training camp inside me, it seems that my body is becoming less and less in my control. Of course all this is to prepare me for when I will be completely at the mercy of the little one...feeding him, changing him, bathing him, cradling him, carrying him, entertaining him...so THIS is what my body was meant to do all these years, what a magical revelation.
2) Taught me to be a sophisticate. After years, let me rephrase that, after decades of chugging down soda by the litre, I have grown an aversion to one of my favorite vices, and now I can only drink....Perrier, San Pellegrino and other bubbly waters that once grossed me out. Who new I could live without all that sugar?
3) Taught me that my body is beautiful. Since adulthood, I have struggled with my weight as well as my body image. I've always had confidence when it came to my abilities, intelligence, and personality, but I never accepted my body for what it was. I was always thinking how I'd love my body if only I was 10-20-30 pounds lighter. My intellectual self would tell my emotional self to go beyond the image thing and love and accept my body as it was, but for some reason by body wasn't listening. This lead me to totally disrespect my body for so many years, by eating a lot of crap, junk and portions that were way beyond normal. Of course I've only realized this since getting pregnant because it seems that the minute I was, my body automatically started craving good, healthy things and disliking all the junk I lived off for years. I honestly have to admit it was not even a conscious change. It was effortless, but it showed me the wrong of my ways. Now I respect my body. Although I'm pregnant and big, my body has proven it's strength and beauty, showing me it can create and sustain life, feeding it, cushioning it, protecting it. It is a vessel holding a great treasure, an oyster that carries the slowly forming pearl.
posted by Janjik at 5:19 PM
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