FRESH

She's fresh
Fresh
Exciting
-Kool and the Gang

I once mentioned the phenomena which Al calls Freshness. Well, a new year has dawned, and there is no better time than to speak of Freshness.

I remember when we were in University, we’d be sitting around the table in the library. Me, Pacino, and Pfeiff. I’d be writing my lab report and Al would open up his new leather agenda. He’s peel off the plastic wrap and open it up cracking the spine of the book as he’d turn the page to the right date and flatten out the spine to make sure it would stay open on that page. Then he would glance at me with a sneaky look on his face and drawl out the word FRESH, extending the vowel for a second or two. Then he would start filling in due dates and such, intending to stay true to his lists and notes and dates...However, 2 weeks later, nothing would have been updated, and he’d start the whole process all over again, languishing in the his glory as he said the word FRESH each time he went through his ritual.

The word Freshness came to describe many situations, all of which consist of a new beginning. However, sometimes we use it in a comic way to qualify people that we see are experiencing things for the first time....Let me explain...

Picture this: You’re at the gym, sweating your armpits off on the treadmill, chugging on your bottle like a soul deserted in the Sahara. Your soaking hair hangs limply around your face and you’re wearing an ancient university team T-shirt with track pants that you shrank in the dryer. Suddenly, you notice a perky girl walk into the training area. She is wearing what is obviously a brand new Just Do It T-shirt, track pants that haven’t worn out at the crotch or thighs yet. She has makeup on, her hair is clean and bouncy. She has on spanking new Nike’s with nary a scratch on them. She delicately sips on her bottle like a teenager trying champagne for the first time. She looks around timidly, trying to locate equipment that she can identify. She walks onto the treadmill, stares at all the buttons, glances over at the hardcores as she tries to figure out how to get the thing going. She fidgets with some buttons, gets the thing to move a little, walks for about 5 minutes. Then she stops, walks over to the water fountain for a little sip even though her bottle is still full. She stops along the way to look at the cardio chart..........I think you get the point. Basically, the minute you saw her step into the gym, you knew instantly that this is her first foray into a gym in at least 5 years. She has come here with hopes, aspirations, goals. She thinks she is ready to whip her body into shape in the New Year. She has no idea that 30 minutes on the elliptical machine will make her doubt whether the 400$ she plunked down on membership will be worthwhile. She has no inkling that all her muscles will scream in agony the following morning, prompting her to curse like a sailor and swear to never enter a gym again. This is the state of mind that is called Freshness...the fresh, new, shiny feeling that you get as you embark onto a new endeavor. Full of best intentions. Devoid of any cynicism. Gullible to the belief that all is possible and the world is yours for the taking. Naive to all the pitfalls.

Well, a few times a year, I fall victim to the Freshness phenomena. Usually, around the New Year, as I file away all of last years bills and letters, we prepare for the coming year like a new government settling into its mandate. We make a list of all of our goals for the coming year(have I ever mentioned Al’s love of lists?), we prepare the Annual Balanced Budget. We promise to stay true to our diets and exercise routines....and come spring, when impending bathing suit season looms ahead, I go into a state of panic and start the whole Freshness process again, and then once more when Back to School time rolls around.....

Last week, the day before New Year’s Eve, as I was contemplating things, I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d waxed my legs. I know this sounds gross, but it’s not that bad considering I’m not that hairy. But since I don’t believe in shaving, and I hadn’t waxed since like October, I was thinking, Geez, I can’t start the New Year looking like a sasquatch! I don’t even know how come I let so much time pass in the first place....Yes, yes, I know. I haven’t worn shorts in public since the late 90's. And being as I’ve been so busy with work, renovation, gift buying, out of town guests and a Xmas sitdown supper for 17 people, it’s understandable (at least to me) that I never got around to it. Thankfully, my husband is either blind, really horny, or just to sweet to say anything about it to me...I think he was probably panicking, thinking that now that we’d been married for 2 years, and that I’d turned 30, maybe the hippy self-love thing had really taken me over the edge...Will she ever wax her legs again!!!!! Thank God she lasered her armpits a few years ago or else I’d be married to the missing link (ape that is)....

Oh well, Now that I’m smooth and hairless, I’m ready to start my diet again. I promise I’ll be strict and exercise, and in just a few short months, I’ll be able to wear shorts again....

Can you smell the Freshness in the air?