Paperback writer

But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer

Paperback writer.
- The Beatles

Don’t get me wrong, most of the time I love my job, I very rarely abhor it, and I usually like it a lot and am fulfilled careerwise.

BUT...(there’s always a but), I’ve always wanted to have a career doing something creative artistically. Ok, so my job is pretty creative in a scientific way, and thinking up new formulas requires a lot of originality, innovation and creativity but it just doesn’t feed my soul the same way painting or writing does. I’ve always envisioned myself in one of my daydreams, becoming an anonymously famous writer, (yes, to the extent of J.K. Rowlings fame). Making the big bucks while entertaining the masses. Unfortunately, I’ve also daydreamt (can you say that?) about becoming a famous painter and having my paintings sold in the 6 digits. But who are we kidding. Up to this date, I took 3 community painting courses. In the last 3 years, I started 9 paintings and only finished one.

Yup, just one. Blame it on painter’s block or something. The main reason being that I am a slow painter. I painstakingly ponder over each and every stroke of my brush, sometimes delighting in the effect it creates, other times cringing that I F*****d everything up. Being such a slowpoke resulted in me never finishing a painting in the 3 classes allotted to each subject. So then I was forced to start a new painting without finishing the prior one. Part of the reason is also because some of the subjects we were required to paint in class were boring and I didn’t have much interest in completing it once at home. Also, I just haven’t had time to get around to finishing them. Ultimately though, I think that it is a fear of commitment that stops me from finishing my paintings. Can I commit to that final stroke, to saying it’s finished, to putting my name on the corner and claiming it as my work? I guess I’m scared that it won’t turn out like I want it to. So, because of this, I have a nice gallery of paintings in different stages of completion strewn around the house. Maybe I’ll make it my signature and decide consciously to never finish a painting. Talk about a cover-up.

Well, same thing goes for the writing. I’ve had a few ideas bouncing around in my head the last few years. I’ve done some outlines, written some scenarios but never gotten around to actually doing any writing. I guess I’m scared to committing to black ink on paper. Scared that the stories jotted down are just not read-worthy. That it won’t live up to the scene unfolding in my head....sigh....of course, it also doesn’t help that I’m like the world’s worst procrastinator. Why do anything today when it can be done tomorrow? Man, I never realized what a commitment-phobe I am...Well, one of the reasons why I started writing this blog was just to get used to writing more often, flexing the proverbial writing muscles. In defense of routine exercise, I must admit that the more often I write, the more I find to write about, so...stay tuned, I’m thinking of starting a new blog where the chapters of my future bestselling paperback novel will be posted for review and criticism from my peers and audience...No pressure...Gulp!