YOU'RE (F*****G) CRAZY

-Guns ‘N’Roses

I’m not one to be hooked on reality shows but I must admit I have a penchant for the Amazing Race. I watched most of the first season and fifth season, but this time around I watched every single episode and I have to say that one of the reasons that I’ve been glued to the tube are those crazy, psychotic, married entrepreneurs... John and Victoria.

Where did they find these wack-jobs anyway? Week after week we observe John being a loud, hyperactive, overbearing, obnoxious and volatile asshole whining and screaming like a banshee about the shortcomings of his wife Victoria. We’ve actually seen him almost smack her in front of the cameras. She, on the other hand, makes sarcastic remarks about him being a petulant child while hanging onto the last vestiges of her sanity. She looks like a woman about to go over the edge, and frankly I cannot fathom how she’s been married to him for 3 years and not scalped him yet. Every week, we see that John is totally useless as he cannot seem to do any of the challenges, then Victoria assumes the task insinuating his lack of manliness. She starts the challenge and realizes 30 seconds into it that she’s gonna regret doing this. John starts to hyperventilate as he realizes that other teams are beating them and then he starts to berate her, screeching at her relentlessly (he calls it motivation of course). Her only self-defense against his onslaught seems to be a fast-forward into panic mode. She starts bawling and screaming and puking and whatnot, all while yelling at him to shut the hell up.

Early in the season, I hated them and wanted them to be last in each leg of the race so they could be eliminated, but I must say, all these dramatic antics have grown on me and I look forward to it for pure entertainment value. I think she deserves to win just for putting up with Satan’s evil twin, although I secretly hope that they’ll come in second overall in the race just to see John lose his marbles and have a heart attack. Can’t wait to see what the Loonytoons couple has in store for us this week.